Jackal-Judges

Jackal, meaning life-disabling, Speak comes from inner fears; while life-enabling, Giraffe Speak…  comes from the Heart.   There are soft & hard Jackals, that cause emotional violence, to ourselves & others.   They take the forms of thoughts & words.   Our Judgments, Criticisms, Shoulds, Diagnoses, Denials, Demands, and Deserves are all Jackal voices, that come alive quickly when they are triggered.

Getting to know our Jackals can be a Gift, a source for Gratitude & Curiosity, and can even make us laugh.   They can lead us to the actual Observations, to our true Feelings triggered and the universal Needs behind them…   It can be empowering to Let-it-out & Vent our Jackals in the private safe space inside this game.

Are there any Jackals alive inside us Now that want to express themselves?   Let’s now PLAY…   & get to know our Jackals a little better.   Put more intense Jackals higher on the board, & group similar Jackals together.
When done, Tap the COMPLETE button.

Observations / Notes

Observations are an important part in non-violent communication, where we wish to clearly and honestly express how we are to another person, and to ourselves.

For most of us, it is difficult to make Observations, especially of people and their behavior; that are free of judgment, criticism, or other forms of analysis.   When we combine Observation with evaluation, we lessen the likelihood that others will hear our intended message.   Instead people are apt to hear criticism, and thus resist whatever we are saying.

Observations are to be made without judgment and evaluation, by being specific to time and situation…   by avoiding using words such as ‘always, never, every time, everyone, nobody, etc.’, since they express generalization and exaggeration…   They are likely to trigger the Jackals: anger and other fear-based reactions, in others and even within ourselves.

Let’s now try to make real non-judging Observations behind the Jackals we’ve met…   and around the things we want Empathy for.

Put Observations near their Jackals on the board & group similar Observations together.   Tap the COMPLETE button, when done.

Feelings

Now that we have explored our triggered Jackals and the Observations behind them, we are now more able to connect with the Feelings inside us.

Real Feelings are about ourselves, not others or other things.

No one can make us feel anything, they can only trigger us.
We are responsible for our own Feelings.

Our negative Feelings come from the Needs not getting met;
our positive Feelings come from the Needs that are getting met.

Now let’s drop inside ourselves & connect with the negative & positive Feelings around our Empathy topic.
Pick the Feelings categories that are alive inside us now, to help guide us to the Feelings themselves.

Put Feelings near their Observations on the board, and group similar Feelings together.

We can tap the Feelings cards to show their generic definitions.
When done, Tap the COMPLETE button.

Needs

Needs are behind all of our Feelings, including the Feelings just played.   All universal Needs are good, they are all for our wellbeing.   We all have the same real Needs.

Needs come alive when they are really getting met, and when they are really not getting met.   Our negative Feelings just played, come from our Needs that are not getting met.   Our positive Feelings just played, come from our Needs that are getting met.

Let’s explore the Needs now Alive inside us, that caused the Feelings you just played…   Put the Needs near their Feelings on the board & group similar Needs together.

Look at each of the following Needs categories & their Needs.   If the Category or Need is alive, around your Empathy Topic–either if the Need was uplifted by really being met, or hurt by really not being met, pick that Category…   We can tap the Needs cards to show their generic definitions.
When done, Tap the COMPLETE button.

Priorities / Needs-Stones

Many times a particular group of Needs must be met FIRST before any other Needs Groups can be met.
Then AFTER the 1st Needs Group is met, the 2nd Needs Group can then be met and so on…

Consider if any of your Needs Groups must be met BEFORE any other Needs Groups can be met, or maybe you just want to Prioritize them in the order you want to deal with them later.

Needs Stones are Priority markers.   If you want to play Needs Stones, Pick and Place them near the Groups that apply.
You will then be more ready to create Strategies and Requests.
Tap the Complete button when done.

Strategies

Now that you’ve connected with the Needs…
Lets create Strategies to get those Needs met.

Remember that STRATEGIES ARE NOT NEEDS.   Strategies are HOW we meet our Needs.   If a Strategy fails, we can use ANOTHER Strategy to meet the same Need.

The problem comes when we get stuck on the Strategy, confusing it with the Need !!!

We can now create Strategies involving ourselves or others, that will help us to meet our Needs that we just discovered.

Strategies are written inside triangles.   We can then drag that triangle next to the Needs Group that we want to get met with that Strategy.
We can write 1 or multiple Strategies per triangle.   Tap the Complete button when done.

Requests

Now that you have finished creating
Strategies to get your Needs met…
Lets create Requests to help make those
Strategies work.

We make Requests of ourselves and others.

Requests are NOT Demands…   you should be OK if you hear a NO to your Request.   If you are not OK with “No”, then you are making a Demand

  … and that doesn’t help anyone.

Our Requests should be Clear, Specific & Doable, in Positive Language:   don’t ask for what we don’t want…   ask for what we DO want !

Requests are written inside circles.   We can now create 1 or more Requests per circle.
Then move the Request next to the Strategy or Needs Group it will be helping.   Tap the Complete button when done.

Complete

After getting Empathy we become COMPLETE…

After receiving Empathy from ourselves or from others, our triggered Feelings calm down.   Our thoughts and words calm.   Our body calms.
We become more still and quiet… or COMPLETE…

There are several steps of Empathy & meeting our Needs, these are also the steps of playing this Game…   dealing with steps in the following order: Jackals, Observations, Feelings, Needs, Priorities, Strategies and Requests.

We can be Complete with one of the steps, and go on to the next step at any time.   We can also choose to be Complete with this issue forever, or for a long time   …or just Complete for now, to be continued and dealt with later.

When we are Complete with any step, Tap the Complete button.