Life-Disabling Communication & the 4Ds

Our lives are Disabled when we Communicate using any of the 4D’s:

1. Diagnosis–

Criticism implying Wrongness or Badness including:
  Insults, Blame, Put-downs, or Judgments.

2. Denial of Responsibility–

Denying personal Responsibility for our Thoughts, Feelings & Actions by blaming:   the Actions of others, vague Impersonal Forces, our personal History, demands of Authority, Rules, Regulations, group Pressure, social Roles, or uncontrollable Impulses.

3. Demands–

Requests that directly or indirectly threaten some form of Blame or Punishment, if the Requests are not acted upon.   Not being OK to hearing a NO from our Request, actually makes it a Demand !

4. Deserve–

The belief that certain Actions merit Reward, and certain Actions merit Punishment.

Sorrow & Forgiveness

Stimulated by Past actions which we now Regret.

• One Key to a great Life & to a great Death… is Forgiveness.

• Real Apology happens by:

Connecting with the Need we were trying to meet, when we took the action which we now Regret, that hurt the other person.

Then Sharing with the other person our Need Now and the Pain we feel, from hurting them.

• Real Forgiveness of Self happens by Connecting with the Need we were trying to meet, when we took the action which we now Regret.

• Real Forgiveness of others, happens by Connecting with the Need they were trying to meet, when they took the action which hurt us.

Grief & Loss

• Loss in Life and the Grief that follows are all part of being Human.

• Any number of Feelings, and the Needs behind them, can be experienced around Grief.

• Feeling Mournful is part of the Grieving process.

• The Need for Mourning is partly Met by feeling Mournful, when feeling Mournful is in Balance.

• Too much or too little feeling Mournful is not good or Life-enabling; only the individual knows when they are Complete for Now.

Guilt & Shame

• Shame is a form of Self-hatred, and actions taken in reaction to Shame are not Free and Joyful acts.

• We want to take action out of the Desire to Contribute to Life, rather than out of Fear, Guilt, Shame, or Obligation.

• It is best for us to Respond to Requests from a clear Desire to Enrich life for ourselves or for others, rather than by destructive energies of Shame or Guilt.

• In our language there is a violent word of Demand: SHOULD. It has enormous power to create Shame and Guilt.

Trauma & PTSD

• Emotional trauma is the result of extraordinarily stressful events that shatter your sense of security, making you feel helpless in a dangerous world.

• Traumatic experiences often involve a threat to life or safety but any situation that leaves you feeling overwhelmed and isolated can be traumatic, even if it doesn’t involve physical harm.

• It’s not the objective facts that determine whether an event is traumatic, but your subjective emotional experience of the event.   The more frightened and helpless you feel, the more likely you are to be traumatized.

• You’re more likely to be traumatized if you’re already under a heavy stress load, have recently suffered a series of losses, or have been traumatized before especially if the earlier trauma occurred in childhood.

• Post-traumatic stress disorder(PTSD) can develop following any event that makes you fear for your safety.   A normal response to trauma becomes PTSD when you get stuck about it, remaining in psychological shock.   Your memory of what happened and your feelings are disconnected.   In order to move on, it’s important to face and feel your memories and emotions.

Unstableness & Imbalance

• Unstableness is having Unpredictable and Uncontrollable Emotional Changes or Behavior;   due to Chemical or Emotional Imbalance.

• Can be caused by Natural Brain Chemical Imbalances, or by taking various Substances or having other Addictions.

• Addiction is the repeated Habitual involvement with a Substance or Activity, despite Life-disabling consequences.

• The First Steps of Healing are to:
    1. Acknowledge that we have an Imbalance Issue.
    2. Know that our Imbalance can be Healed.


Emotional Helpers help us with key emotional Issues that we find ourselves in throughout life.
There are 6 basic issues that we all experience in life, as listed above.

In this Game, Emotional Issue Helpers PULSE cards of Feelings & Needs, played on the board, that relate to one of those key issues;   this guides the Player to related PULSING cards, that they might want to group together.

Helpers are called in one of two ways:

1) by using the Main-Menu popup, pick item ‘Pulse Emotional Issue Helpers’, then choose the Issue desired.   A Popup Issue Message will appear, then all Issue related Feelings & Needs cards will pulse.

2) Every time Feelings and Needs cards are played or touched, automatic counters keep track of how many times they’re touched & their related Issues.   Every 6th count, that Issue Popup Message appears, shown in the listing above.   Then all Issue related Feelings & Needs cards on the board will PULSE.